Missoula, Montana May 23, 2023
Place allows me to time travel.
I
n 2017, I spent a couple days in Missoula while I was pedaling north to Banff for a Tour Divide individual time trial effort. I ended up quitting my ITT in Whitefish– lots of reasons, no really good one I suspect. I ran out of money, mostly. I had some mechanicals, mostly. I was heartbroken, mostly.
My friend, Serene lives here and is a fly-fisher. She drove an hour toward Helena to come get me from the impending thunderstorm. I pedaled the highway, west to meet her ¾ of the way up the pass. That is a nice plus about the tour– help from friends along the way is welcomed. I got to her place on a Sunday evening and have spent the better part of a week here exploding my gear, minimizing, shipping things all over and building my new bike!
I ordered a tiny music player that I hated and now have to wait for Amazon to pick up during business hours today. I also have a zoom meeting with the Native Governance center for a committee I am a part of Thursday afternoon. I’m gettin’ itchy feet to hit the road again, I’ve been rather sedentary for the past few days sparing a couple walks up the hill near Serene’s house. She offered to drive me back to Ovando along the highway early tomorrow morning if I stay one more night. I’m heavily weighing that option as it’s storming as I type. What’s one more rest day?
It’s hard to know! I’ve been doing this a while and I personally find joy in comfort from time to time. I have a really big year of stuff on my calendar and try to balance the long term goals (this year) with the short term ones (this week). Like, a Triple Crown + 2 thru-hikes, an important bike ride in Ojibwe country, and gathering season… or just getting out there and being hardcore. After reading Andrew Strempke’s write up about his Triple Crown effort, vision and recovery, I found myself taking a huge breath.
I look up to Andrew. He’s really in touch and methodical about his competitive endeavors. He’s also super strong mentally and very disciplined. If I could be like any bike racer out there; I’d choose to be like him. So, in reading his essay, I was reminded how truly big this endeavor is. And to be kind to myself, soak up all the love that I can get in my journey to really push myself next month– it’s not weak, or lazy, but an exercise of self preservation. I love doing hard things, I love bike touring, but part of the bike tour, for me, is to connect with people along the way.
I had my addictive racing year in 2018 where I raced in 8 different races in the time between my 28th and 29th birthday. I ran, I canoed and I biked. It was a lot. I kinda set a precedent for myself that year, however. I learned I was an endurance athlete; not necessarily the fastest, but I could cover lots of hours doing hard things.
In the time since, I’ve been trying so hard to get better at these races often barely placing in the top 10. In the 2022 Colorado Trail Race, I ALMOST pulled off my first MTB podium with a 6th place finish and a new women’s record on my singlespeed. It was an effort that kind of surprised me. I guess I’ve been getting better; but every year, I am obsessing more and more and finally scooping up a little more in the resource department to be able to focus on the bike fitness thing.
I’m really blessed to have met such badass athletes over the years and to consider previous record holders/fast as fuck people my friends. Everyone has been quick to answer my pleas. Part of me believes in myself simply because people I look up to and respect so much believe in me. And watching Trackleaders replays. That reminds me I’m not a slow snail like I often feel like I am.
I can’t believe the Tour Divide is coming up. I kind of feel like that’s the only thing I have been talking about. But also, I’ve literally been dreaming of another chance at the Triple Crown since my 2018 attempt. And the 2018 attempt wasn’t even an “official” unofficial attempt as I left for the AZT750 in May of 2018. I fell short of completing the AZT that year– forest fires caused reroutes and I was on my way to Banff anyways to start the Tour so I went off course and continued my journey north. I did complete both the Tour Divide and the CTR that year.
Anyways, I’m excited to stop talking about and thinking about the TD. It’s riding that’s out of my strengths and it’s definitely the hardest race for me mentally. I almost always feel like a losery snail because flatish roads are so boring (it’s not flat all the time, but man, some of the downhills feel like flat). I struggle daily with wanting to fall asleep on the bike, of wondering what the singletrack nearby looks like and with the large volume of cars/trucks that dust me out day in and day out. Oh yeah, and staying race focused for more than two weeks! That’s mental.
So, I am grateful I got to read Andrew’s reflections on his goals and to dial my goals in too. I’ve kinda forgotten to think about what my goals actually are. I’m dialing those goals in over the next two weeks. Because, friends, the Tour Divide starts in 15 days!
In 2019, I had my eyes on the powerful, incredible, Alice Drobna’s singlespeed record. I was talking with Matthew and he said that it could be a fast year (I have a hard time imagining that with all the rain and snow I’ve encountered on my ride north from Salt Lake) but he planted a seed that I can’t stop from growing! I may as well dream of a fast year, maybe I will even brainwash myself into believing that despite conditions and set my eyes on Plesko’s ‘16 record. Cuz why not? Why not believe I am as capable as legendary folks? Why not honor his effort by giving it everything I’ve got to try to catch his ghost? It’s kinda why I love the racing; it’s the language I know how to speak love. And love for my competitors keeps me pressing on.
I believe that we all want to be the best, strongest versions of ourselves. - Alexandera